Yes, it's been awhile since I've posted. Obviously, the holidays threw a wrench in my blogging schedule, and I was out of town for a bit at the beginning of December. With the wedding just a little over two months away, though, I hope to keep updating this a little bit more.
One thing I've noticed, though, is that this blog goes in a different direction than I thought it would. Originally, it was just supposed to be a fun musing from the groom's perspective on wedding thoughts, and commentary on how the whole wedding industry is just absurd (and it is). But as I've thought more about becoming a husband, I've found that my thoughts tend more to the theological and internal on the subject--less about the wedding and more about the marriage itself. Which is as it should be. So that will probably be the shape of posts to come in the coming weeks. Enjoy!
A comment that Kelly makes quite often is "Chris, you need a wife."
This is usually said when we're looking at the dishes piled up in my sink, discussing why ramen noodles and pizza don't constitute a healthy diet or when I'm trying to defend my decision to wear the same tennis shoes and worn-out sweatshirt each weekend.
It's said with a good chuckle and playfullness, but there's truth to the statement.The fact is, that many things about my life were in disarray when I met Kelly. I ate poorly, exercised rarely and dressed like a perpetual frat boy--although my hair and glasses said "preppy dork." Since Kelly's come into my life, I've started eating better. I've gone down two pant sizes. The big, nerdy glasses have been replaced by smaller, sleeker specs. I wear clothes that fit and look nice and I've learned just how nice my hair can look when I apply some gel. Also, my house is much cleaner than it has ever been.
It's easy to make a joke and say this is all the result of nagging, but it's really not. None of these changes have been made begrudgingly. In fact, for the first time in ages I'm proud of how I look--I like that I'm starting to slim down, I dig how my hair looks and for the first time I think I dress with some sense of style. I never would have thought to make these changes without someone who lovingly told me that I needed to make them.
Love tends to make us better people. And at first, it's just a sense of wanting to impress another. When I first met Kelly and knew I liked her I spoke less sarcastically and with a bit more finesse, trying to make sure I said things that were intriguing, edifying and interesting (of course now she's learned that I can go on for 15 minutes about absolutely nothing). As the relationship progressed, much of the improvement came from knowing I had to grow up if I wanted to take care of her. I started being more financially responsible, started scheduling things more intently and started to be intentional about becoming the man I was supposed to be.
But there's a new phase of change in a relationship that comes only when you've made the commitment to be open, honest and encouraging with each other. When you hit that point where you know you're in this for life, you suddenly realize that your significant other acts as a mirror--not in the sense that they parrot your actions, but in the sense that they reflect you back to yourself.
Yes, this can be as shallow and insignificant as showing you that you really do need to dress, eat and clean better. And I'm thankful for that.
But I'm even more thankful for the mirror to my soul that Kelly has provided.
When you reach the point where you can be yourself around another person, you get an up-close look at just what yourself looks like. With our guards down around each other, Kelly and I act naturally, without pretense and without having to really do much in the way of putting on a face with each other. And as we do that, we see ourselves.
Sometimes, this has resulted in boosts in my confidence. I've been surprised, at times, at how I've been able to be the 'calm one' when Kelly needs me to, how I've been able to be strong and reassuring and how I've found myself remaining in check when I would otherwise be a mess of stress. Sometimes Kelly has needed strength, decisiveness or just stability from me and I've been surprised at the way God has provided the strength to meet those needs--I never would have had the opportunity without Kelly.
But I also see my sin reflected back to me. I see it in the way that my mind will initially ask what a problem "has to do with me." I see it in my impatience and pride when I try to solve Kelly's problems when all she wants is a kind ear. I see it in the way I am naturally a more mean-spirited and less forgiving person than she is. And I see it in the selfishness that so often comes out of me.
I still talk to single friends who can't wait to break out of that phase of their life. And there's a part of me that tells them 'be careful what you ask for.' Not because getting married isn't exciting--but because it really challenges you to change much of who you are.
As we navigate the single life, there comes a point where we can stop and think that we're doing pretty well. We've got life figured out. We're moving along smoothly, making the right decisions and seem to be doing this thing called life without any problems.
It's at that time, you may need someone else to come and shake you up.
None of us have life figured out and all of us have sins that we cling to because they're so naturally a part of ourselves. When we think we're doing pretty well it's because we're often blind to our sin, with no one to reveal it. It's at that point that self righteousness and pride can begin setting in.
How thankful I am for a God who wants me to change and conform to His image. And how blessed I am to realize that He's chosen to reveal my sin through a person who loves me and is honest with me. And how great that we see our strengths the same way!
--CW
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