About a year and a half ago, I inherited my brother's dog.
Zeke (the dog) was not adjusting too well to life around my niece. Zeke is not the most overly friendly dog when you first meet him. He prefers one-on-one attention and, unlike my parents' dog, he's not really too excited when visitors come by. The first time I ever dog-sat him, he was so scared of me that he wrestled his way out of his harness and darted out into a neighboring subdivision. My dad and I spent the better part of two hours late on a Friday night chasing him around a pool in a neighbor's backyard, Dad concerned that the cops were going to be called because they thought we were casing the place.
Zeke's mellowed with me a bit and we have a good master-dog relationship. He sleeps at the foot of my bed each night, he jumps up to see me when I come home from work and we'll often spend a good hour or so tossing his toys back and forth across the house. As I type this, he's curled up on the arm of the recliner next to me. He may not be the most affectionate or outgoing dog, but he's my little buddy and I love him.
The problem? My fiancee doesn't feel quite the same way.
It came to a head twice this weekend. This morning I walked in from my parents' house, where I had stayed on their sofa bed while K. slept in my room (this arrangement and my frequent stays at the Motel 6 by her home will be the subject of an upcoming post, I'm sure). I walked in while she was in the shower, so I made some coffee for both of us and sat on the couch while she prepared for church. When she came out of the bathroom I asked how she had slept.
The instant she sighed, I knew that there was a Zeke issue.
To be fair, Zeke isn't always the best sleeper. A few weeks back he had an ear infection and spent much of the night scratching at his ears and crying from discomfort. When he does sleep soundly, sometimes he snores. Last night, his problem was licking himself. All night, apparently. K. had gotten to the point where she had to put him outside around 7 a.m. just so she could get some uninterrupted sleep.
That was a typical evening and, for the most part, they are becoming rarities. While Zeke was rather stand-offish to K. when we first started dating, he's warmed up in the recent months. He'll usually curl right up and go to bed and he's become kind enough to cuddle up to her on the couch if we're watching a movie. So I mentally filed this away as "Zeke had a bad night" and we went on with our day.
Later in the evening we were sitting on the couch watching TV when K. suddenly jumped up off the couch. Two fleas had landed on her arm and bitten her. And that became the final straw.
Now, a word about the fleas: this has been a battle raging in my house for the past month or so. One weekend, Zeke was scratching uncontrollably and K. noticed that there were fleas on him. I took him to get a flea bath and bombed the house the following weekend. Two weekends later, while my parents dog-sat, they found more fleas and took him to the vet. I bombed the house again. Last weekend, while I house-sat for my parents and my own home was empty, I did one final bombing run, hoping to gas the vermin into extinction.
But here they were again, and we knew the culprit: it was my couch. Somehow, despite all the flea bombings and sprayings and everything else, these little monsters were hiding themselves in my couch and not dying. And, of course, K. told me this was not a good problem to have: I had to get rid of the fleas or else all of our weekends would be spent out at her home, because she wasn't setting foot in here.
We discussed things and, as these small things often do, they snowballed into deeper issues. Problems with the neighborhood I lived in, where stray cats and possums wander through the yard and bring in fleas. The continued stresses with the dog, who she is having difficulty adjusting to. Problems with the couch, which she's never cared much for any way (to be fair, it was a free couch that my friends were going to throw out; there was no emotional attachment).
And, after about an hour of discussing things, we came to a plan. We carried the couch out to the curb and set my chair in front of the TV; K. will bring over her papasan in a few weeks so I have a place to seat friends or take a nap. Hopefully we'll get rid of the fleas and hopefully Zeke will have a happy home.
But a couple things stood out about the entire ordeal.
First, there are things that I am bringing to this marriage that K. is not going to like. While I thought that was going to be limited to my zombie movies, it turns out that it's actually something that I can't easily hide from her. See, I love my dog. He may not be the friendliest little guy in the world, but he is my little buddy. I understand him and we have a good master-canine rapport.
But as I prepare to do life with another person, I realize that there are things I love that will not necessarily be viewed the same way by another person. K. has already informed me Zeke will not sleep in our bedroom when we get married and I've told her that I'm fine with that, as long as it means she understands I'm keeping the little guy around.
Which was one of the first tastes I've gotten about how much compromise will be involved in marriage. I may not have to get rid of my dog, but I'm going to have to make changes to his lifestyle and my own so that he can stick around without destroying my marriage. And tonight I had to rearrange my house, throw out furniture and make some quick decisions to try and continue having a comfortable home for K. to visit.
It got tense for a bit, but I'm very thankful that K. and I were able to discuss it rationally and make the right compromises. No one left feeling angry or bitter and the dog seems to be doing alright (Zeke is still sitting on the armrest, starting to snore).
But it also poses a question for me: can I make the same compromises? If I'm bringing things into this marriage that K. doesn't like and she is willing to work with me on changes, am I going to be able to do the same? If she brings quirks, routines or items into our life that she loves and I'm not too keen on, can I be loving enough to work towards compromise instead of being stubborn and prideful?
I hope I can. But one thing I'm learning about relationship is that your character is really tested and put on display in your dealings with another person. It's challenging and often humbling. But I'm excited to see where else this adventure takes me.
--CW (and Zeke)
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